Am I Controlling?

Hey, so I had therapy today, and I must say, the session got really intense.  I didn’t like it, but I guess there was something that needed to be said.  I really don’t trust people and I’m one of the most independent people I know.  My therapist said I was filled with pride and that it was admirable.

However, she tried to get to the root of why I didn’t trust people, and I didn’t want to tell her.  I just didn’t see the need to.  She also said that I seemed to need to have a control of some situations, and it bothered me.

I mean, me?  Controlling?  I’m not controlling.  I’m anxious, yes, but that doesn’t mean that I’m all of that controlling.  I just don’t like being put in situations, so I avoid them at the most.  I don’t open up to people because “I am afraid of being let down.”  No, I’m afraid of them being the kind of person that gossips about me.  So, I avoid talking to people.

She also said that I am experiencing an increased amount of depression right now.  She made me promise that I would do something loving to myself tonight, and I don’t know what to do.  After today’s therapy session, I feel like more of a monster than anything.  I don’t know how to love myself.  I don’t even know if I should be loved, and that’s why I don’t know if I should have a boyfriend right now.  Or ever, to be honest.

But yeah, I feel beyond crappy right now.  I feel like today’s session really did set me off in ways that it shouldn’t have.