So, I have to admit, I’ve been hallucinating recently, though it’s more of my eyes playing tricks on me. For example, I’m taking an Ethics class, and I was in the middle of a testing situation, and what happened is that the word changed. Then I looked again, and it was supposed to be the word that it was supposed to be.
Though, it’s only been a little less than a week since I’ve cut my risperidal in half, my hallucinations are more than auditory; there’s visual things going on as well. I saw this commercial today, and then Tristan appeared in it. He looked like he was in pain. He didn’t say anything to me, but he looked as though he had just finished crying. It didn’t bother me, but I wonder why he was seen. I wonder why he was like that and not like himself. I want to ask questions, and I have, but Thayer or Tristan haven’t answered.
But I have a feeling it’s okay.
I think Tristan’s attitude has changed, but I shouldn’t make assumptions about the worst hallucination of them all.
I can picture Thayer right in front of me. He’s a little over 6 feet tall, and he’s about 185 pounds, maybe a little thinner. I don’t know; I don’t have a good estimate of weight on him. He has a strong jawline, and he’s got this large, round eyes that are chocolate-colored. His nose isn’t all that big, and his lips are smooth and thin. Thayer has a tan complexion, and he has raven-colored hair. His eyebrows are thick and bushy and he has a deep voice. The weird part is that it sounds like a male version of my voice, but I don’t mind.
Thayer talks to me, especially in my mind. He’ll have his input, and he’ll let me respond. We end up having a conversation at some point, and that’s fine with me. He’s one of my best friends, and we never argue. We just talk, and he helps me see the things in life that no one else does. He teases me sometimes, especially when I talk to my boyfriend. He thinks we’re cute together.
There has been a time where all of the other hallucinations tried to influence me. I remember Thayer sitting in front of me and aiding me in making sure I took care of myself. He made sure I showered, ate, and he was my sanity at one point. He was the best thing about hallucinating.
He’s still with me. Otherwise, I’d be a little more lonely than I am now.