So, I can’t keep my hands still. Why is that? I have been writing like crazy. I am not manic. I just forgot how much I enjoy writing…
But I rediscovered it, and I want to enter contests based on writing, and I just…
I’m happy. I’m happy I’m doing creative writing in the fall. I’m so….
So, I decided to talk to you guys about dating while having schizoaffective disorder. It’s coming up because I think this guy has a huge crush on me, and I feel like… I don’t really feel attracted to him. So, anyways, let’s just get into it.
I’m pretty much going to break this down into 2 parts: Schizophrenia & Bipolar Disorder.
This is kind of freaky, but if I date someone, I find out that they become an auditory hallucination. It’s very scary, especially when I had a huge crush on C. (That’s my ex, okay?) I also had a visual hallucination when I had a crush on C, and he was dressed in black and purple. He hated me, so…. Yeah.
So, when I start every relationship, I tend to do it impulsively. Anyone else with Bipolar Disorder have this issue? Let me know in the comments below. Anyways, I do this quite a lot… I was worse when I was unmedicated. When I get depressed, I also shut the other person out or complain too much. It really stinks.
Now, imagine combining them together. It can be a make-or-break situation. One thing I let potential partners know is that I do have mental illnesses and let them know that not all the time will be filled with rainbows. They usually understand but then they also don’t pay it any attention because I’m functioning at a normal rate. Then when we get further into a relationship, they understand that there’s something not right with the chemicals in my brain. So yeah.
Just thought I’d share this experience with you.
But I don’t care…. I’m going to go and become the person that I want to be… I’m going to work 25 hours and I’m (hopefully) getting a promotion. I’m also going to school and I’m going to be a journalist. I’m going to become a Mormon. I’m going to live my life. No one is going to hold me back.
Yes, I’m depressed from one time to another, but I feel like as long as I keep busy, I can do this.
I’ve had better days, but I’ve had worse days as well. I guess I need to learn how to cope with things in general. I should cope with anxiety, but instead of just sitting here with my crocheting things (that’s how I cope with anxiety), I’m watching a Korean Drama.
I’m finding new ways to cope, and I have it down to these activities:
- Journalling, which is something I do when I’m depressed or bored.
- Watching Netflix (Apparently, it helps me keep my mind off of things)
- Crocheting, which helps me work out my anxiety.
I also saw someone cook when they’re stressed, anxious, sad, or just happy. I want to learn how to cook amazing recipes, so I may try some cooking in the future and see if that calms me down.
I think that I’m getting better. I’ve just stumbled a little in the past days. But you know what? I want someone out there to read this blog and I want them to say that I showed them what recovery looks like.
As for the future of this blog, I will still talk about mental health. I’ll talk about my experience and past a lot more to further myself in therapy. I might talk about other disorders if people would like that. I don’t mind. I’ve known someone with bulimia; I’ve known others with DID. I’ve known people that have more than one disorder. I’m willing to talk about my experience with them, with their names changed of course. (It’s going to be for educational purposes only, not a gossip thing going on.) Or maybe I’ll make this a personal blog as well and delete my other blog. I’m not sure. Time will tell.
That’s all I feel like writing today. I’m just giving you guys a heads-up.
P.S. I am going to see my boyfriend today and throughout the whole weekend. I’ve decided to tell him that I’m schizoaffective in May. The reason why is because I brought it up to him in the past, and he said that no matter how mentally disorganized I am, he will still accept me and he cares. I think he’s alright with it, but still, I’m gonna bring it up at a later date.