On this Memorial Day…

I decided to chat about the deaths that we’ve had in our family so far.  And I have a lot of family, both “online” (my friends) and blood relatives.  Let’s see if I can try to talk about death and stuff.

The first person that I remember dying is my uncle.  He was about 50 when he passed away, and I was the one person in the family that chose not to see him prior to that.  He was conscious at the time, and I still refused to see him.  It was because at that age, I got these feelings that something was going to happen and they did; I had a feeling that he was going to die, so I thought it’d be less painful to stay away from him.

The last memory I have of him was him asking me if I wanted a brown pear.  It’s weird how I said no.  I was scared that the pear was dirty and it needed to be washed off first.  He reassured me it was only the type of peach that was brown.  Still, I didn’t take it.  After his death, it took me until recently to be able to enjoy pears without crying.  I look back on that last memory, and I should’ve taken the pear.  I know it’s stupid to say, but I think that it’d be a better memory if I just did that.

My grandfather was a recent death, only passing away 1 year and a half ago.  I was closer to him, so I felt more pain with his death.  He was schizophrenic, but still, we had a lot of fun with him.  I know he had a rough life, but that life got rough as he passed away.  It was because of cancer.  He had it for the 3rd time and decided that he wasn’t going to take chemo anymore.  So, it was a slow death, and I watched him waste away in the comfort of my own home.

He told me to pray about things, and I think that’s the reason why I’m still a Christian.  Those were his last words to me.  The last memory I have of him is him in a body bag, being whisked away to God knows where. I’m still not over that death, and I know I’m bottling up some emotions with it, but that’s how I operate.  I don’t know why I do it, but that’s why I’m having trouble with my moods.  It took me a year to pick up the book The Fault In Our Stars, seeing as it deals with the subject of cancer.

There are other things, like the death of a teenager named Andrew.  He committed suicide, and the whole school was in a state of shock.  People cried, and there were grief counselors everywhere, and someone even instituted teenagers helping other teenagers.  That program still goes on today.

The point is, this is a time to remember those we lost: family members, those in the army, even those who died because they felt that that was the only way out.  I want to challenge you to be thankful for the time you had with people that you were close to.

Sorry I made such a sad post.  I wanted to make myself talk about it because I need to make progress while my therapist is on vacation.  I want to tell her about it so she doesn’t think that I’m slacking off.

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