I want to not exist anymore.

My mom went back on her word and got one of her pharmacist friends to back her up. She even wanted to talk about cutting my risperidone.  Oh, and by the way, she’s concerned about my depression and anxiety and ignores my mania. I’m just so done with her.

Maybe I’ll attempt suicide. You know, not fully commit suicide, but attempt it so that she’ll see that I need lithium. This whole thing is breaking my heart in so many ways… That would be ideal, but I’m not going to do it.

I’m just going to give her the silent treatment until I pick up my lithium and take it, like the fucking grown adult I am. And if not, then I’ll try the depakote again. This time, I’d be well equipped to deal with the anxiety.

I don’t fucking care, I want to be normal.

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6 thoughts on “I want to not exist anymore.

  1. It’s a shame, we’re being taught now as potential nurses to support the patient as an expert on themselves… on the one hand I can tell your mother cares for you even if it comes across as a little misguided but this is an option that has worked for many people. Know this might not be something you’d like but have you asked her to koin you to discuss it with your consultant? That might allay some worries? Easier to make changes with support

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    • I’d rather her not talk to my psychiatrist. She’d treat me different because I have bipolar disorder and schizophrenia (schizoaffective disorder, really). All of my information would be given to her and she’s not going to like it…

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