My moods have stabilized again, and it’s nice to have them back under control. I know it’s not going to last quite a while, but hey, it’s something.
I’m going out with my family to eat, and where we’re going is supposed to be a really good place. It’s a diner, and I’ve always wanted to eat at a diner. Maybe I can take some mental notes about the experiences I’ll have there so I can incorporate it into a story.
My boyfriend was so caring to me yesterday. I told him I was down, and he went out of his way (well through texting; it’s a long-distance relationship) to talk to me and to comfort me the best he could. He ended up making me happy again, and I was able to be okay for the rest of the day.
I was borderline manic before I went to bed. Some probably would call it “hypomanic.” (I don’t know if it’s bipolar disorder, so I am not going to label it definitely as such.) I was in a good mood, and I felt like having a great time.
Today, though, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll be agitated or anxious. Maybe I’ll be suicidal again, or maybe I’ll be that extremely energetic girl I was after my finals were over.
See, the thing is, I have no problem with my schizophrenia right now… Except for an occasional whisper or such, but it’s well managed. My bipolar disorder, however… It’s seeming to be more severe. It’s not well managed since the decrease of the risperidone. My anxiety is coming back, little by little, and my moods, they aren’t handled like they were when I was on the risperidone. It scares me.
I need my psychiatrist to listen to me, and I want him to fix this. Unfortunately, it’s about 5 days away that I see him, so I have to continue with this hell until he finds another alternative.
He seemed like he wanted to put me on Lithium, which I wouldn’t mind so I could sing Evanescence’s Lithium. Ok, all joking aside, I really would like to try lithium. If he’s going to take me off of the risperidone, he needs to put me on some other medicine that’s going to take care of everything. But who am I to tell a doctor with lots of experience that I want to try something? Then again, I have a right to tell him because it’s my body…
I don’t know. It’s just a thought. What are your thoughts on this? Let me know so that I can examine all possibilities.