I’ve been subconsciously suicidal all day. I only realized it now because I feel sad and empty. I binged all day to raise my blood sugar up so that I might die. Even now, I want to drink soda and eat an entire container of cookies because I don’t want to live anymore. The abilify isn’t helping anymore.
I’m tired, and I’m hurting. And I’m snapping. I can feel it. I want to slit my wrists open and make everything stop, if only for a little while. I belong in a mental hospital right now.
I haven’t gone to a mental hospital yet, but damn, I need to go. I swear, I’ve never found such a desire to commit suicide more in my life than ever. The only reason I can’t do it is because of my boyfriend. He’s in love with me, and… It’d kill him if I did it. He’s the only thing holding me together. And if he dies…
Someone help me. I need help.