I realized something.

I shut a lot of people out when I’m depressed.  I don’t tell my boyfriend when I’m sad, and I make sure to fake a smile for my mom every once in a while.  My sibling and grandparent don’t know that I’m like this regardless, and I always seem to update my Facebook in a cheery manner.

The only ones I let in are you guys.  Maybe it’s just easier for me to write out my emotions or something, I don’t know.

It’s getting hard to type or speak or communicate in general, so I should shut up and watch a movie I like.


7 thoughts on “I realized something.

  1. Does your boyfriend really know how much you suffer, and how difficult it is for you right now? I think it would help you if you know that he knows, and maybe it would surprise you how supportive he could be.

    And you also know that there are others who care about you. As you said, you could let them in, even a little bit more. I think it could help you.

    Glad you are all right, hugs!


    • I don’t talk to him about this kind of stuff because it makes him feel bad for me. I don’t want to make him feel that way, so I just leave it alone.
      I only have a couple of friends, and they do the exact same thing. I refuse to let my family in because they don’t want to believe I have bipolar disorder, let alone schizoaffective disorder.
      Hugs back!


      • You sound like me, I prefer to take care of it myself and then tell people lol… but I get myself in seriously dangerous situations that way, ie suicidal. Very scary how close I will come to it before I will cry for help. I don’t know why.

        As to your boyfriend, he would sure be a lot more sad if you weren’t here anymore. When you feel better, ask him whether he would prefer you clue him in, or that you keep it to yourself. “Hypothetically of course,” lol…


      • The difference between you and me is that I don’t tell anyone afterwards. That’s how I went all this time without going into a mental hospital.
        I don’t think I have the guts to ask him something like that. It would probably cause me to go into a panic attack or something. I’m bad at telling people how I feel.


      • Well, you’re practicing it right now which is really good. In hindsight, did you think you might really do something last nite?

        Sorry if I seem to be hounding you. I was really concerned. But if you want me to shut up I will lol.


      • I wanted to do something, but I felt too low on energy to do something. I was planning on taking pills because I didn’t feel like having more self-harm scars.
        No, it’s fine, really. I’m actually glad someone’s concerned about me.

        Liked by 1 person

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