Updating you guys on things.

I have to keep updating because I promised someone that I would update this blog as much as possible.  I hate breaking promises, so here I am.

I worked yesterday, and that was fun.  I just forgot to smile.  Well, it’s hard to smile, and that might be due to schizophrenic tendencies taking over with the flat expression.  That sucks, you know?  I didn’t ring the orders up wrong for the first time, and it was a stress-free environment. That’s always something to be grateful for, especially when there’s a boss that I don’t care for.

I had another outburst yesterday.  I was checking the schedule when the manager told me not to and to clean something else instead.  I went through a period of pent-up anger, and then I got anxious.  Afterwards, I got depressed and felt like crying.  After an hour, I was fine.

I googled my symptoms — in the form of “unstable moods 1-2 times a week, anxious, anger, and depression” — and found out that it happens to have the same characteristics as Borderline Personality Disorder.  Now, I don’t want to speculate on this, but that was the disorder that I learned so much about in abnormal psych. I’m going to be working with my psychiatrist on this a whole lot more.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to cut this short.  Someone I know is near me, and I don’t want them seeing this blog post.


4 thoughts on “Updating you guys on things.

  1. Oh dear. I want this to be constructive, so please read this in that light.

    I know that Google is a quick resource at hand, however when it comes to illness, mental or physical, Google can be your worst enemy. “…unstable moods 1-2 times a week, anxious, anger, and depression…” can also be symptoms of something as simple as stress and anxiety. It can be because of your medication, your SAD, bipolar, etc. You’ve recently come to terms with your gender- of course you’re going to experience swings.

    I’ve noticed that you are very quick to jump online and match your symptoms to psychcentral dot com. So I will say this, you deserve to be happy and well. Open up to your doctor(s). Be honest and unfiltered. They are professionals and will be able to give you a true and (hopefully) accurate diagnoses.

    Self diagnosing isn’t healthy and can lead to a lot more stress, therefore adding to your instability. Please, please surrender your mental health evaluations to your doctors. I hope this was helpful and
    constructive, rather than harsh.


    • I understand what you mean. I just googled it just to see what pops up. I’m not trying to diagnose myself, but I’m just looking for some insight. I’m leaving the diagnosing up to my doctor.
      I’m just really confused. I’ve had no swings other than the extreme mood changes, and I’m not sure why. Everything with my SAD seems to be under control. I’m not sure if I’m rapid cycling or what. It’s scaring me to the point to where I don’t want to show any emotions.


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