I still feel empty.

I know it sounds bad, but for the most part, I feel empty. I have nothing that really makes me feel fulfilled unless you count my boyfriend and church.  That’s it.  I don’t feel whole, and it’s tearing me up inside.

I’m slightly suicidal and thought about jumping in front of a car to kill myself yesterday.  The impulses are there, but I can control myself from doing it.  I guess that’s a good thing, but it’s not a spectacular thing. I just feel like hurting myself all of the sudden.  I even tried to starve myself for half of the day, then I stopped by getting a salad (which is sensible).

Maybe I think that if I hurt myself, I’ll feel something, and that’s not the first time that I thought this way.  I mean, I’ve been complaining about this emptiness for about a year, maybe even more.  Maybe it’s time that I brought this up to my psychiatrist.  He’s new, and maybe, he’ll listen to me a lot more about it.

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

3 thoughts on “I still feel empty.

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