Here we go again. (Trigger warning)

I feel like I want to hurt myself again.  This depressive episode I’m in is not the worst, but it’s getting kind of rough.

I shouldn’t be craving the razor blade sliding across my skin, but I really would love to do that.  I’d love to bleed, and I’d love to feel the pain so that it’d distract me from my sorrows.  I really would love to.

It’s about time that I admit to myself that I’m addicted to cutting.  It’s hard to lay it out there, but I’m admitting it now.  I don’t know who to really turn to.  I could talk to my therapist, but we don’t talk about self-harm in therapy.  It makes me shut down.  I mean, the only reason why I’m talking about it on this blog is because I’m trying to prolong cutting, which I know I’ll do tonight.

I want to cope with it in another way, but the urge is still there.  I don’t want my boyfriend to find any cuts on me…

I don’t know what to do…

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2 thoughts on “Here we go again. (Trigger warning)

  1. There is an AA principle called “One Day At A Time.” It sometimes boils down to, “just don’t drink today.” Sometimes even, “Just don’t drink this hour, this minute.” You find whatever you can find and put it between you and the next drink, or in your case, the next cut.
    Some suggestions of things you can do instead of cut are found on one of my bloggers pages, But I will just ask you to commit to not cutting tonight. Can you do that? And visit this page, for help:

    https://depressionless.wordpress.com/2015/02/20/how-to-distract-yourself-from-self-harm-the-100-method-list/

    Like

  2. Ahhh that urge is hardcore. If you do it, you’ll treat the wound, right? Stay safe honey. K is right, take it a minute at a time. And if you can change your focus, get fresh air, idk what works for you, before the urge worsens, it might help. And don’t forget you have friends out here in the blogosphere xox

    Liked by 1 person

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