“Kayla, why do you have anxiety?”

This is taking me a lot of bravery to post this, but I don’t think that I can keep the secret much longer.  It’s something that has affected me and I didn’t know it did until now.  I was even hiding it from myself most of the time and I found out why I have had so much anxiety.

I’m not going to go by Kayla anymore. I’m not going to call myself female anymore.  I found out that I’ve been having dysphoria, and it’s been making me anxious.  So, what does this mean?

I am a transgender male.

It’s something that’s been part of my life since I was younger.  The dysphoria really kicked in during puberty.  Then it was blended in with my mental disorders, and now I’m finally figuring out who the hell I am.  So, I’ve been a guy all of my life, and I haven’t put the pieces together until now.

I’m going to find a name tonight so that you can call me by my chosen name.  I’m going to have to keep this from my family; otherwise, they’d disown me.  I’m sure that this is okay with my boyfriend (he is the best boyfriend I’ve ever had).

I don’t know what else to say other than the fact that I hope some people accept me on here. If not, then I have nowhere really to turn.  But that’s alright. I’d understand.

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11 thoughts on ““Kayla, why do you have anxiety?”

  1. Wow…you were so scared to tell your boyfriend about your S.A.D. though! I’m surprised you’re so nonchalant about having to explain to him he has a boyfriend now, too. Is there a particular reason why you are? Has he offered support in that way before? I mean, I think I’m kind of just confused a bit.

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    • If you’ve read my posts, I’ve mentioned that I’ve had crushes on girls. He knows, and he’s fine with it. He’s also bisexual, so he would be fine with this as well.

      I’m sorry for not explaining that. I thought I did, but I apparently didn’t.

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  2. Kayla there IS a lot of anxiety w/ having to hide who you are, that’s what my present outpatient hospitalization is about. Nowhere near the same intensity as what you are going thru I’m sure, anyway, I wish you well. 🙂

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      • Yeah, in my particular situation it is; I am finding I have to hide that I have mental illness. I just meant comparing my situation to yours, having to hide who you are – but I imagine your situation is harder than mine. sorry I am babbling, I’ve been up since 5 am lol…

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      • It is hard, but hiding yourself in any situation is hard. Your situation is probably harder in some ways than mine is. Mine is probably harder in some ways yours isn’t. And it’s fine with the babbling. I don’t mind!

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