I had trouble with eating and starving myself and with voices telling me to do that. But now, that’s changing to more risky behaviors like taking my sibling’s laxitives to purge in a way. I ate something that was 400+ calories, and I weighed myself after. I gained weight back. So I did 200 crunches, took 2 laxitives, and ate prunes on top of it.
I hate myself right now. I’m just getting over the hallucinations, and now I’m hurting myself again. It’s all because I’m afraid of calories. Next week, I have a therapy appointment, and I’m going to bring it up. I don’t want to have anyone diagnose me with anything else, but if I have to be more messed up, then so be it. I just feel so worthless right now.
I’ll try to stop, but it’ll be really hard.