I was in psychology class today, and I learned about the various forms of bipolar disorder. I also learned a tiny bit about schizophrenia, but we just only scratched the surface. According to the behavior that my teacher had talked about today, I have characteristics of Bipolar I. I’m not kidding, I spent a whole lot of money when I was diagnosed, and if I could, I would’ve drank alcohol and done other reckless things. Like, the biggest thing for me would be impulses. I am impulsive, and I admit that.
I also found out that I suffered from a mixed episode when I was in high school. I hated myself, and I wanted to die, but at the same time, I was so energetic and it was scary. I remember being very bubbly after showing friends my wrist from self-harming, and they said I needed help. I didn’t care though. It made me happy.
Come to think of it, before I developed schizophrenia, I went through mixed episodes when I hurt myself. Those were scary times, and I don’t want to remember them.
Speaking of schizophrenia, it was brought up in my ethics class. The teacher was very uninformed about hallucinations, or at least in my opinion. He used an example of a purple elephant…
But not many people would see a purple elephant. There’s far more disturbing things that you could see. For example, a person getting their head cut off. Or, at the very least, a hallucination torturing you because you have, oh, I don’t know, blonde hair or something. I mean, I felt a little heated after the class talked about it in mixture with Utilitarianism, so I literally bit my tongue to prevent myself from talking.
Other than both of my disorders being brought up along with my reflection, I’m ok. I mean, my head is hurting once more, thanks to the withdrawal symptoms. I’ll have to get used to it until I’m off the risperidone. I hope that’ll be soon.