I shouldn’t have mentioned her.

I’m serious, ever since I talked about Dani, I am obsessed with losing weight. I weighed myself 4 times within 24 hours and I’m not eating normally.  I’m lying my way out of eating all that much, and part of me hates it.  Part of me really hates it, but part of me feels so alive.

I’m more determined to eat about no more than 600 calories, which suddenly seems like a lot.  I’m just kind of happily fed up with myself, but I think I should talk about these behaviors with my therapist when I see her again.  Or maybe I’ll keep this a secret.  It’s not interfering with my life, which is something a disorder is supposed to do, so I think I’m golden.  Since I’m obese, it’d look like normal weight loss.

But… I don’t know what to do. I know you guys will tell me to eat, but it’s hard when you don’t like eating or are actually afraid of calories.  I don’t know what to do.

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