Religion is driving me nuts.

I’m annoyed with my mind when it comes to religion.  I want to be Pagan, but I also want to be Christian. I can’t tell you why.

I’ve tried to be religious lately, but something in me wants to defy Christianity.  I want to be freed, and then when I get to Paganism, it doesn’t feel right. I’m getting annoyed and it’s not just an impulse.  I guess I want the best of both religions, and that means one of 3 things:

  1. Remain Christian, but dabble into the occult; witchcraft is against what Christianity stands for, so I would be constantly sinning.
  2. Switch to Paganism, and keep some of my Christian walk with it.  The beauty about this way is that I can craft my own path that’s unique to just me.
  3. Combine Paganism and Christianity; I’d use Mary for the Goddess and Jesus for the God aspect.  Although this one is doable, there’d be a LOT of blurred lines. I don’t even come from a Catholic background, so Mary would be a new idea to me.  I wouldn’t know how that goes.

This is confusing to me.  I need to decide which one to try… The first one makes me feel like a hypocrite.  Plus someone had done witchcraft while in the church at one point, and they got kicked out.  I don’t do witchcraft…. Though herbology and that kind of stuff captures my attention more than spells.

I may be looking at the 2nd or 3rd idea a lot more and see what happens.

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9 thoughts on “Religion is driving me nuts.

  1. Just a question, but why do you need to decide? As long as you find something that works for YOU, makes you a better person and makes you happy, there shouldn’t be any reason you can’t practice whatever or however you like. Spirituality is a personal relationship to the Divine- not anyone else’s business.

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    • I think it all boils down to the fact that I need to feel comfortable with a label. I’m comfortable with saying that I’m this or that… I also want some people to connect with regardless. It just feels like something I have to do, and it’s got nothing to do with no one. I’m also self-conscious when it comes to religion, so that may be it.

      You’ve got a point though.

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  2. Now this is just a suggestion. There used to be a game show called “To Tell The Truth.” Celebrities take turns asking questions, it’s almost like “20 Questions.” Each person on the panel, after receiving the answers, takes a guess as to who the real person is. And then at the end we hear, “will the real _______ stand up?” And the true person stands up. Here’s one where they try to figure out which one is actually Big Bird. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkT_e72P_IM

    So I would suggest that instead of deciding to do “this,” or be “that,” that you ask the real God to please show Himself and guide you, to the exclusion of any other. That he protect you from the influence of any other. That he give you clarity of mind and heart. Most likely it won’t happen overnight, and if you are feeling unstable in any way, don’t do it, instead, just ask for protection. I will pray for you too, if that’s ok.

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    • I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but I’m wanting to explore my religion. You can believe what you want to believe, and I’ll find what I want to believe, but please, just respect that. To have someone to try to influence me is putting pressure on me that I don’t want. I may come around to Christianity, but I may not know that until later. Either way, this is me, a 19 year old, finding myself. My path may be different from yours and yours may be different from mine. Regardless, we can coexist.

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  3. I hope you can find the peace you are looking for. I grew up with a Christian mother, but I was always inclined to the occult. My father dabbled in a lot of paganism and was friends with Santeros. I suppose a part of me wanted to understand my mother and father’s beliefs, so I explored both worlds.

    In the end, I decided on Christianity. I don’t affiliate myself with a particular denomination, but find that my faith in God brings me the most peace. It’s actually that faith which keeps me holding on when I want to give up.

    I hope your journey is insightful and you find what you’re looking for, Kayla. And I find that the promise of these discoveries — having things you want to explore or live — will keep you holding on in any dark hour you may have. After all, we can only take these paths if we’re willing to live to do so.

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  4. Also, Paganism is an umbrella term for many different off shoots. Wicca, for example, is just a fraction of a branch of Paganism. Some could even debate Christianity as a Pagan religion. Wiki link:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paganism#Christianity_as_pagan

    Esoteric Christianity is pretty interesting, as a side note. Here’s the link:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esoteric_Christianity to the wiki.

    “According to all of these esoteric scholars, the ensemble of these techniques (often related with Eastern meditation practices such as chakra meditation or visualization) will lead to salvation and to the total renewal of the human being. “

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