31 Days of Bipolar – 14 & 15

So, here’s today’s  installment. You know, the installment that is supposed to happen today. This one is all about the past and the future. I’m hoping I don’t get too emotional when it comes to this. Anywho, here’s number 14.

14. What would you say to your younger self if you could?

Oh, gosh, that would be the destroyed 15/16 year old me.  Man, I have to say, I was beyond manic and depressive at that point. I’d have a lot to say to 15/16 year old me.

I’d probably say that harming myself isn’t the answer and it could leave scars, and I’d know that when I was older.  I’d say that some friends aren’t worth the pain, to try and find someone that would love younger me for younger me.  I would tell my younger self to never let go of that scared-looking boy she’d (well at the time, she) see in the corner because that would be her best friend. I’d also say that boys are so not the answer when it comes to happiness, and that the simple things in life can be all you need. I’d say that she needs help and there’s no shame in getting some. I’d tell her to fight for herself – her views, her thoughts, her smiles and everything in between.

I’d tell my younger self that she should question herself and not to be afraid of being LGBT. It’s not as bad as she would think.  I’d tell her to explore religions and not to give in to what her family thinks.  I’d tell her that there’s a point in time where death would hit her again, and I’d tell her that it’s not her fault.  I’d tell her that she was born to be different. I’d hold her and tell her that it’s okay to be different and it’s alright if people don’t understand you because there’d be one person that would in the future.

Gosh, that was hard to type out.

15. What would you ask your future self if you could?

Oh, now here comes the interesting things.  I’m going to be assuming I ask 25/26 year-old me.  I’d ask future me if I married my boyfriend yet, seeing as though everyone is expecting me to marry him. (We’re very close, and it’s gotten to the point to where everyone statewide in a church congregation assumes we’re going to get married and have kids. Yeah, the pressure is real.) I’d also ask if they’d moved down to where he is.

I’d ask if they’d found any friends yet or if they found a job. I’d ask if they found any new coping techniques.  I’d ask if they had cut yet, and if the answer’s no, I’d give future me a fist bump. I’d like to know if future me had gotten any tattoos, and if so, what they were and where they were. I’d ask them if they got any new hobbies…

There’s a lot of things I’d love to ask future me. This post is not enough for me to type every single question I have for future me, so I’m going to end it right there.

This was entertaining, and this was something that kind of made me break out of my shell. I’m not doing this for a loooong time.

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