31 Days of Bipolar – Days 8 & 9

This post is going to be interesting because I haven’t thought of the pros and cons to having bipolar disorder.  They rarely cross my mind, and I just think in the moment, and it’s not affected by my thoughts in regards to bipolar disorder. Just as a general rule of thumb for this, it could be triggering, but I’m not sure if there’s anything in here that will be extremely triggering. With that in mind, let’s get to it.

8. What do you dislike most about the disorder?

  1. I dislike the fact that I get in a low place when I am depressed. It’s one of the worst places to be when you have bipolar disorder. It’s not bad when it starts out, but when it gets worse, there’s all of these dark things that come to mind and you just want to get away from that.
  2. I could absolutely live without the reckless impulse of spending. I am a college student with no job, and that means I have to save my money. Sometimes, I’ll want to buy $600 dollars worth of things, or I’ll get over-the-top excited about spending money. I’ve gotten better at it, but the impulse is still there.
  3. I don’t like the racing thoughts either, and I feel like they can get in the way of my functioning from time to time. I’ll be trying to concentrate on schoolwork, and for some reason, something inappropriate (whether it be violent or something I don’t want to imagine) will pop up. It’s been happening a little more lately, but it’s better than what it has been.
  4. I don’t care for the fact that I sometimes self-harm. This goes with #1, but I feel like that sometimes, it can be independent of #1 at times. I go and I hurt myself on an impulse, and that’s how it’s always been.

9. Are there any benefits to bipolar for you?

Yes, there are a couple that I’m grateful to have.

  1. My productivity can be a great thing. I’ll be motivated when I’m manic and I’ll do a lot of things that I needed to do. I remember that on one manic swing, I cleaned most of my room, did some chores, exercised, and completed my homework ahead of time. If that’s not productive, I don’t know what is.
  2. The experience of my ups and downs inspired a lot of my dark poetry. I wrote about 5 poems the last time I was incredibly depressed and halfway psychotic. The interesting part was that I wanted to go and I wanted to write more. I could probably write a half a book of poetry down before I stop. It’s a way to vent and express myself.

That’s all that I have to say about these. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll take pleasure in skipping a morning class.

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