31 Days of Bipolar – Days 5, 6 & 7

So, I think that this is going to be a tougher day for me given these questions. I’ll try not to cry or what have you (kidding), but I’ll be glad to do them. It’ll also help me learn about myself. Oh, and as a little update, I have an appointment with someone that’ll adjust my meds. It’s next Wednesday, the same day I have therapy. So, I’m going to be psychoanalyzed like hell, but it’s worth it.

Anyways, onto question 5.

5. What treatment, therapy etc do you do?

I do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It’s basically talk therapy, analyzing things about my life, occasionally talking about the past… That sort of thing. I was also recommended to do some DBT, but I haven’t found a time nor a place that works for me. It’s also a group session, and I’m very conscientious in a group of people. I don’t think it’d be the right fit for me, you know?

6. What do you wish you’d known when you were diagnosed?

Well, there’s a lot that I wished I’d known. I never did like the label “bipolar disorder,” and it’s because I assumed that all of those people were insane and highly emotional. I thought that they were violent, and that they should be locked up. I just wish someone would have told me that that stigma isn’t true.

I also wish that I would’ve known how to handle said emotions. No one told me how to cope really well. I was never taught that, and I think I’d have a better grip on my moods if I had just known. I think that if someone told me these 2 things, I would’ve done a lot better with the news.

7. What are the worst things someone can say to somebody who is bipolar?

Oh my gosh. There’s so many things. For example:

  • “You’re not bipolar because you’re not crazy.”
  • “Oh my gosh, I had a bipolar moment there.”
  • “You don’t have bipolar disorder.”
  • “You’re just depressed.”
  • “You’re just in a good mood. That’s not bipolar.”
  • “You’re lazy…”
  • “Get away from me, you freak!”

The list goes on and on. I mean, I’m not crazy, but that doesn’t mean that I’m normal, you know? And then the people who use bipolar as a descriptive word. I really just want to choke them (not really, I’m very pacifistic, if you will). Bipolar is a mental illness and you want to go and reflect it on you? No.

I was told by my mother that I didn’t have bipolar disorder because I was happy at times and that I wasn’t aggressive. That hurt.  The fact that she didn’t believe me, especially when I’m a psychology nerd, hurt even more. Then, just yesterday, she called me lazy. It’s not laziness. I’m just really depressed. I don’t have motivation and that’s why I haven’t been doing A, B, and C. And that makes someone even more depressed. You can’t just say that to someone…

But anyways, I think I’ve said enough here.

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