I’m giving up with myself. {Trigger Warning}

Today is going to be a depressing post, so please bear with me.

I’ve hurt myself for the 3rd time within a week. I feel like crap and the only thing that helps me is showering and cutting. I completely ignored my boyfriend’s texts tonight, and I still feel awful for breaking something out of rage.

My mom is noticing something is wrong with me because I can’t bring myself to smile tonight. I feel awful.

I just want to cry and hurt myself again. I thought the meds were supposed to cure me…

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4 thoughts on “I’m giving up with myself. {Trigger Warning}

  1. Sometimes it takes a while for meds to work. Sometimes some meds don’t work and you have to try other meds. Unfortunately, there’s no right answer or overnight cure. I wish there were, trust me. I want to tell you though, that you are still here and that means something! Thank you for being alive and staying among us. Keep holding on.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yanno, prettymuch all of us bipolar bloggers get depressive episodes and plenty of us have or still do self harm. Last time i did was a month or so ago. It always feel so so so shit afterwards, doesn’t it? So you’re with your own tribe here and we aren’t frightened of sad posts. Bipolar meds … are you on your first lot? Where are you at as far as meds are concerned? Are you worried about upsetting your mother, or what’s the deal there? And last but not least – much empathy and many hugs.

    Like

    • Well, I was on depakote at one point, but that made my anxiety much worse. So, now I’m on risperidal, and it’s 3 mgs. They’re only letting me go to 4 mgs, so I’m near the highest dose for my treatment options.

      I tried telling my mom that I had something other than depression, and she was flipping out, so I hide things from her now. She’d freak out even more if I told her I had hallucinated in the past and thought God was telling me things.

      Thanks for the hugs and empathy. I really need some right now.

      Liked by 1 person

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