I’m going to say this not because I don’t want to get better, but it’s because it’s true.
I kind of miss my hallucinations. I think it’s because it’s very quiet now, and I’m noticing how normal people function. Truth be told, my hallucinations were the only ones to pay attention to me. My family kind of ignores me, and I just brush it off. I feel like I annoy them at some times. So, I shut up and stay to myself.
At least I had someone to interact with… I kind of would like to just stop my anti-anxiety med and listen to them just to talk to someone. It’s weird not hearing things, seeing things…
And I feel out of place. I guess I’ve been mentally ill for so long that I don’t know how to function normally. I try smiling, but I feel so empty and like I’m acting all of the time. I’m not happy. I never have been.
I’ve thought about hurting myself again. I want to feel something, anything, really. I feel like crying, but I’m not in the mood for crying. I just need some sort of help, and I don’t really know who to go to.