What’s happening to me?

I decided to stop talking about the hallucinations for a little bit. It’s kind of negative after a while, but I really wanted to talk more about my mental health and what the heck is happening to me. Like I said, I am on the borderline of being diagnosed as schizoaffective. Right now, I have a mood disorder (bipolar) and, according to the doctors, a psychotic disorder.

Now, there is a very likely chance that I’m going to be rediagnosed (for like the 2nd time in a year) as schizoaffective. My thought behind it is that schizophrenia does run in my family. Like, there was an entire generation of schizophrenics at one point.

My therapist and my nurse kind of were also worried that a new symptom emerge. Sometimes, I hear someone (it’s Thayer, for those who have kept up with me) keeping up some commentary. It’s not all the time, but hell, it’s kind of frequent. It’s nothing to hear Thayer kind of mutter that he thinks a girl is attractive or if this person is faking something…

So, because of this new symptom (combined with the auditory/visual hallucinations, and the disorganized speech), it’s been thought that I’m starting to develop schizophrenia along with my bipolar disorder. And, I mean, bipolar + schizophrenia/psychotic disorder = schizoaffective disorder.

I’ve just been preparing myself for the worst and hoping for the best. I’m also going to see a doctor the next time my meds will be adjusted(?). Then, I will know what my diagnosis is.

I know this post isn’t so appealing to read, but I’m just trying to talk myself through this whole thing. It’s the only way I can process it…


12 thoughts on “What’s happening to me?

  1. You know — you’re already winning because you want answers. Even if it’s scary, you’re doing what you have to do. For that, I admire you. I hope you find answers that will help you manage.


    • Thanks for saying that. It’s usually not the first thing someone would say, but it’s nice to know that some people won’t call me a freak or something for experiencing this kind of thing. I’ll make sure to remember that.


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