I’ve been doing horrible. { Trigger Warning }

I’ve been really conflicted about my new diagnosis. 2 out of the 3 days, I’ve been miserable, crying, quiet, and withdrawing from my friends and family. It’s because I don’t want to come off as crazy or anything, so I just stay to myself.  I just keep thinking that this diagnosis is going to shape my life a lot of the time.

I’ve noticed that everyone will look at me funny if I say anything with “Schizo-” in it. People will assume that I’ll be a psycho murderer or something. I’m not scared about my boyfriend knowing, but I’m more scared of his family knowing. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m bad for their son or tell me to stay away and that I’m a freak of nature.

My family would freak out as well. So, I obviously can’t tell them.

I admit, I’ve been thinking about hurting myself so that someone would give me some attention. I’ve been thinking about checking myself into a mental hospital because there’ve been some thoughts that have been scary. I’ve been hallucinating again. I’ve seen my characters walking down the street and talking to me. They’ve been telling me I can’t trust what I’ve seen because I’m going insane and there’s nothing I can do about it.

On top of it, my brother is really not helping my mental health. He has been snippy and rather unpleasant to be with. My anxiety has been through the roof, and I’ve been getting upset. I just feel like he’s verbally abusive, and it doesn’t help the rude characters that speak to me sometimes. It’s just…

I don’t know where else to turn.

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4 thoughts on “I’ve been doing horrible. { Trigger Warning }

    • No, not really. Like I said, my family freaks out at the mention of bipolar disorder, so I have no one in my family. I’m terrified to talk to anyone else about it. I could try talking to my therapist, but I don’t know if I’ll burst out crying in front of her.

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  1. I hope there is someone you can talk to.
    I have schizoaffective disorder and it took me a while and many different meds to feel better but life is finally back on track. Just because you will have schizoaffective for it doesn’t mean you will have a bad life. I’ve learnt to manage my symptoms and found the right medication and im doing really well not. I look forward to each day.
    I remember when I thought it would never get better but it has and i know it can for you to.
    Keep fighting and ask for support from professionals and family if you can.
    Peace

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