I would like to be referred as Kayla, and this is my mental journal. I was told that I should track my moods, and writing about them is the best way to go about it. I’m 19, and I’m attending college. I’m in my 2nd year, and I’m going on my 4th semester. I’m a writer as well as a reader. I can draw cartoony things….
Oh, yeah, and I’m diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder NOS and a psychotic disorder NOS. I’ve been told that I’m just about there to being schizoaffective, meaning that I’d have a mood disorder & Schizophrenia. Isn’t that nice? (If you couldn’t hear the sarcasm through that sentence, you must really need to work on you sarcasm skills, ok?)
I hear voices, and sometimes I see things — well, they’re based around characters that I’ve created. I’ve also had disorganized speech. Here’s an example of that:
We’re going to the store now. It’s kind of far away. We should be there in like 20 minutes. But, yeah, I’m going to the store now.
That is only an example, and not really the best. Sometimes, my order of words will be questionable, and I can blab on and on. But besides that, I have depressive and manic episodes, just like bipolar disorder.
So, I not only have to deal with this schizoaffective disorder, I have to hide it from my family. I had a grandfather who had Schizophrenia, and they treated him different than from the rest of the family… I wouldn’t want that happening to me, so I plan on keeping it hidden. (That and when I told my mom that I was bipolar, she flipped out. So, I don’t bother telling her anything else regarding my mental health.)
My boyfriend doesn’t know, but he said that he would stay with me, no matter how insane I am. He’s pretty cool with it, but I’m not sure if he can handle my issues on top of his bipolar disorder. Anyways, he’s supportive and has helped me when I first developed psychotic symptoms, so I think he’s in this for the long haul.
I have a friend that is schizoaffective as well, so I can lean on him in times of support as well.
But yeah, this has been my life for quite a while now. I’m not sure if the 3 mgs of Risperidal will help me with the hallucinations, or if they’ll still be there…. If not, they’ll officially diagnose me with Schizoaffective disorder.
So, I guess it’s the end of this post.